You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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