A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
