if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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