Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
