ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
