she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
