I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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