haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
