fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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