Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
