i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
