Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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