I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
