i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
