i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
