i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize