Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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