you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
