I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She announced her abortion via fbk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
