I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
