yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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