I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
