My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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