every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
