Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
