Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We got so high we made milksteak
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
