I am puke
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
