nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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