If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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