I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can't special order awesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize