Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
