this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
