Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
