erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
