Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
