i jhust puked up my retainher.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize