She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
