guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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