wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
