at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize