can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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