just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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