my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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