i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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