your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't deserve a penis
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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