there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize