If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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