Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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