so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
