You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
