is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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