Please, let me fuck your mom
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
