I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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