You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
