I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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