i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
love makes seman taste better
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
