yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
