I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
