my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Less talking, more tequila
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
