I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Every concussion has its silver lining
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
