Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
