He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
